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Our friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several challenges, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's constantly blindsided by others. Her husband walked away, and it was a huge shock. Many of close acquaintances disappeared then, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort to be my friend, probably understood more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, several of her friends vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. The company she worked for became hostile, although she had been highly competent, and she left without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each left the workforce and are seeing each other more, yet I realize my role between us is to listen. I open topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she holds unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been arranging a holiday abroad I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in previously. My intention was to provide personal experiences, however, my input unappreciated. She purely only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I recently ended 30 days in that country she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state how things go in your conversations. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically what a recording device would replay. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions are your feelings, of course. Finally is to ask how the two of you can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember your friend has her own side, meaning you must to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss everything, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative of their life they won't release as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could initially present like this and then think your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, it provides closure knowing you were truthful.